I was young and very in love with the idea of being in love. I settled for relationships that only satiated my stomach’s hunger for butterflies and cheese. Each time I’d come out of what we considered a relationship only to realize how screwed it was from the start. It always left me wondering what went wrong and who made the wrong turn, and often I blamed myself. I always thought that it’s because I’m not pretty enough, I’m too dull, I’m not even popular, I’m fascinated with weird things, and I would always rather spend my Saturdays alone. I mean, look at this picture that I edited for myself:
I always saw myself being at fault and it was only until recently that I realized how cruel I was to myself. It made me realize how much I’ve depended my happiness on another person — how I’ve always sought after a relationship or another person to validate who I am. I’ve always hidden my weaknesses, I tried hard to tuck it away in a dark and far away place so as not to appear vulnerable, only to realize how it only made me more susceptible to self-doubt. I always held myself responsible for the things that went wrong and I saw how miserable it made me. I was insecure, unhappy, and unbelievably hard on myself. Until I wasn’t.
I’ve been accustomed to the idea that love can only be given to me by another person that I forgot that the best person who can love me is myself. I’ve read somewhere that the best kind of love is self-love. I mean, even Justin Bieber even told me (okay, all of us) to love myself. And I knew then that I should. It’s a must, and it’s imperative that I do. I’ve decided then and there that I should always allow myself to be loved by me — it’s not narcissistic, it’s only me being kind to myself. This self-discovery allowed me to be more confident and helped me pursue what I’ve always been interested in: writing and photography. Most of the time, I’m nervous of telling people where I want to go because I was afraid they may label me as too pa-hipster or pa-blogger but I’ve now embraced the labels that come along with valuing aesthetics and a good ambiance. I am a much happier person now than I have ever been before.
Along with this self-discovery, just in time, is Huawei P9 with a 12 megapixel camera co-engineered by Leica that is sure to produce high quality photos to help me celebrate my interests in ways that is easier, lighter, and better.
Now, I have come to understand a different facet of love. That love is being kind to myself; it’s celebrating my strengths and turning my weaknesses into something that would someday be of use to me; it’s not allowing anyone to invalidate my existence, achievements, and happiness; it’s forgiving myself for the things that went wrong; and it’s not permitting someone to destroy who I am. I plan to love myself better each day, and I am not being selfish.