Over the years, ever since I found out about fitness and abs, I’ve been telling myself that I was fat. Fast forward to now at 110 lbs, I realized I wasn’t. Hell, I was 90 lbs then. We measured our BMI when we were sophomores in highschool and heck, I was one pound away from being underweight. I got dengue when I was a junior in highschool and it improved my appetite and I was eating well. From 90 lbs, my weight picked up and by the time I was in second year college I was 100 lbs. Over the course of three years I’ve been trying to work out thinking I was fat. Now I know that I wasn’t, my body just isn’t toned. But I never really followed through with it maybe because deep down I know that I’m not as big as I thought I was.
The summer before my senior year in college, I stuck to a diet and a work out routine for two months and people told me (even my mother who never says anything about my figure) that I was looking toned. I was planning to continue it but with everything that I had to do during my last year in college, I was never able to follow through again. I was eating more than ever — because of stress, of me using food to celebrate finishing a chapter of my thesis, of me being sedentary, basically because my lifestyle then was so unhealthy — and here I am at 110 lbs. Now I’m never really the one to be so snarky when people comment on my figure (or maybe that’s because I don’t get talked to that much about my body?). My brother would constantly tell me that I was fat but I just let it roll because heck, that’s what brothers do. My arms had always been flabby in highschool and I would joke about it with my friends. My grandmother had always said that I got her leg genes because they were big, and I’d just laugh with her and tell her that I got most of dad’s genes. I mean, I’m okay with being told that my body wasn’t perfect, that I had flabs and that I’m not as toned as I should be.
But now that I am hyper-aware of how fat I have gotten, I realize how irritating it is to constantly be told about how fat I am now. “Hi” has been replaced by “ang taba mo na!“. IT’S ANNOYING. I accept that I have gained so much weight. But I just find it annoying when someone who is SO MUCH bigger than I am pokes fun at me for being fat. I wish I had it in me to say that “yeah, I’m trying to be as fat as you are,” but I don’t. And I don’t want to be a person to be saying that because I know now how hurtful it is have your weight made fun of. What’s even more frustrating is that when a person gets offended of being told that they’re fat but they’re the same person who goes to tell you “you look pregnant”. It just makes me so mad. I somehow think that this might be one of the reasons why people starve themselves towards anorexia.
I am so tired of having someone tell me how much weight I gained. AS IF I DON’T ALREADY KNOW THAT. So I’m taking my boyfriend’s advice and lead a sustainable healthy lifestyle. It’s eating less (cutting down on carbs and artificial food) and moving more. I’m not going to subscribe to a fancy diet meal (mainly because I don’t think I want to spend 1, 200PHP+ weekly), but I’m just going to plan to eat clean. I’m planning on cutting out rice, pasta, and white bread. I don’t really have a problem with cutting out rice but my main problem comes when I need a snack. Because I usually go for instant noodles or junk food. So I think I’m just going to have to replace that with low fat crackers or an egg. I vow to drink more water each day. And as much as possible, I will try to exercise at least twice a week.
I am tired of being called fat and I’m going to do something about it.