November 21, 2016

Over the years, ever since I found out about fitness and abs, I’ve been telling myself that I was fat. Fast forward to now at 110 lbs, I realized I wasn’t. Hell, I was 90 lbs then. We measured our BMI when we were sophomores in highschool and heck, I was one pound away from being underweight. I got dengue when I was a junior in highschool and it improved my appetite and I was eating well. From 90 lbs, my weight picked up and by the time I was in second year college I was 100 lbs. Over the course of three years I’ve been trying to work out thinking I was fat. Now I know that I wasn’t, my body just isn’t toned. But I never really followed through with it maybe because deep down I know that I’m not as big as I thought I was.

The summer before my senior year in college, I stuck to a diet and a work out routine for two months and people told me (even my mother who never says anything about my figure) that I was looking toned. I was planning to continue it but with everything that I had to do during my last year in college, I was never able to follow through again. I was eating more than ever — because of stress, of me using food to celebrate finishing a chapter of my thesis, of me being sedentary, basically because my lifestyle then was so unhealthy — and here I am at 110 lbs. Now I’m never really the one to be so snarky when people comment on my figure (or maybe that’s because I don’t get talked to that much about my body?). My brother would constantly tell me that I was fat but I just let it roll because heck, that’s what brothers do. My arms had always been flabby in highschool and I would joke about it with my friends. My grandmother had always said that I got herΒ leg genes because they were big, and I’d just laugh with her and tell her that I got most of dad’s genes. I mean, I’m okay with being told that my body wasn’t perfect, that I had flabs and that I’m not as toned as IΒ should be.

But now that I am hyper-aware of how fat I have gotten, I realize how irritating it is to constantly be told about how fat I am now. “Hi” has been replaced by “ang taba mo na!“. IT’S ANNOYING. I accept that I have gained so much weight. But I just find it annoying when someone who is SO MUCH bigger than I am pokes fun at me for being fat. I wish I had it in me to say that “yeah, I’m trying to be as fat as you are,” but I don’t. And I don’t want to be a person to be saying that because I know now how hurtful it is have your weight made fun of. What’s even more frustrating is that when a person gets offended of being told that they’re fat but they’re the same person who goes to tell you “you look pregnant”. It just makes me so mad. I somehow think that this might be one of the reasons why people starve themselves towards anorexia.

I am so tired of having someone tell me how much weight I gained. AS IF I DON’T ALREADY KNOW THAT. So I’m taking my boyfriend’s advice and lead a sustainable healthy lifestyle. It’s eating less (cutting down on carbs and artificial food) and moving more. I’m not going to subscribe to a fancy diet meal (mainly because I don’t think I want to spend 1, 200PHP+ weekly), but I’m just going to plan to eat clean. I’m planning on cutting out rice, pasta, and white bread. I don’t really have a problem with cutting out rice but my main problem comes when I need a snack. Because I usually go for instant noodles or junk food. So I think I’m just going to have to replace that with low fat crackers or an egg. I vow to drink more water each day. And as much as possible, I will try to exercise at least twice a week.

I am tired of being called fat and I’m going to do something about it.

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  • Reply Anne November 23, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    I’ve been there. I was huge and called fat. I got sick and was labeled as too thin. I guess at one point or another society will always try to label us. It’s so hard to not feel bad when someone says “hoy ang taba mo na” or “para ka nang kalansay” but I guess even I would admit I’m not living a healthy lifestyle as should be. Let’s work to becoming the better us Pia but don’t forget to love yourself too and don’t let society dictate how beautiful you feel. πŸ˜‰ | Bloglovin’ | Instagram

    • Reply Pia November 24, 2016 at 4:44 am

      Thank you so much, Anne! This means a lot to me. <3 Yes, towards a better and healthier us. πŸ™‚

  • Reply Clarisa November 24, 2016 at 6:46 am

    I know this feeling, and I am going through it now. After moving to Singapore almost two years ago, I think I have gained more or less 5kg already. Every time I go home, people will always greet me the same way: ‘Ang taba mo na.’ Even though they say it in a funny or friendly way, I get hurt. Hello, they have not seen me in months, at least greet me properly, and I didn’t go home just to be told I’m fat. Huhu. I have been in denial for so long actually; telling myself, it’s not that bad. But I slowly started to realise how big I have become. Every time I shop for clothes, it’s so frustrating that the sizes I wear before don’t fit me now. And now it seems like every dress looks so unflattering on me. It’s sad. πŸ™

    Anyway, thanks for this post. I’ll also try to do something about this. Good luck to us! But same with what the previous commenter said, we are beautiful regardless what other people tell us. πŸ™‚

    • Reply Pia November 24, 2016 at 8:21 am

      It really sucks when people rub it in your face how much weight you’ve gained. Like, hello do you think I don’t know that already?? It’s just so exhausting. But let’s strive to be healthier. πŸ™‚ I hope you get to be alright soon, Clarisa. Let’s not let other people make us feel bad about ourselves. <3

    • Reply Augustin Ra November 25, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      Omg! I can totally relate with this. It’s so sad when I wanted to wear a fit dress but I just couldn’t kasi ang laki ng puson at tiyan ko. Huhu. Good luck to us, girls! I hope I can wear the dress I’m planning to wear on my thesis defense soon and I hope my ‘puson’ is flat already. Haha πŸ˜€

  • Reply Ollyvia Laura November 24, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    been there too πŸ™‚ dont listen to others, just focus on yourself dear πŸ™‚ it’s okay if you have commitment to do this, i am rooting for you πŸ™‚


    • Reply Pia November 25, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      Thank you so much, Ollyvia! Your encouragement means a lot. <3

  • Reply Nicole Policarpio November 25, 2016 at 12:31 am

    I found out about your blog through your comment on Lauren Young’s blog. I am chronicling my journey from being obese this year to going down to normal weight. I’m not selling anything, just wanted to share what I’ve done. It’s true that you need to remove the white carbohydrates that are the number one culprit for your fat building BUT! you need a good COLORFUL CARB replacement. It wouldn’t be sustainable if you’re going to rely on protein and vegetables, you will be on a calorie deficit that will be too low that your body will hold on to fat more. I’ll post my youtube playlist of 30days vlogging about my journey. Vlog #26 chronicles all the rules I’m following. Vlog #21 on where to buy good carb replacements πŸ˜€ I wish you luck in your journey to becoming the best version of yourself

    • Reply Pia November 25, 2016 at 1:24 pm

      Hi Nicole! Thank you so much for the tips! Will definitely watch your vlogs, I’m very eager to learn about a sustainable healthy lifestyle. πŸ™‚

  • Reply Augustin Ra November 25, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    This post reminded me on how people body shamed me. I was called ‘fat’ by the person who’s fatter than me. He even told me ‘Ang laki ng tiyan mo.’ and what’s worse was when my grandmother thought I was pregnant and even bought a pregnancy test. I was really hurt at that time. Then, summer came and I started exercising and I can already see progress even for a few days. Unfortunately, I stopped when classes started. I wasn’t happy when I went back to my unhealthy lifestyle like eating junk and not exercising. Exercising did a huge impact on me. I was always happy and when I’m stressed, I’m not really that ‘stressed’. So last Wednesday, my boyfriend pushed me to go for it again and don’t make any excuses because he’s worried about how depressed and stressed I could be every time I complain that I’m fat and also with my health. On that same day, I searched for motivational wallpapers from Pinterest and hell yeah, it made me crave for sweating again and I’ll start tomorrow. Wish me luck! Haha! πŸ˜‰

    Good luck on your fitness journey. We can do it! πŸ™‚

    • Reply Pia November 25, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      Hi Augustin! School was the reason why I stopped working out last year too πŸ™ But cheers to boyfriends who care about our well-being. Good luck on your fitness journey, and yes we can do this! <3

      • Reply Augustin Ra November 26, 2016 at 12:35 pm

        I woke up early today to do the things I planned on my planner and that includes working out. Ah, the feeling of going back to it again! 😍 I’m planning to do it again tomorrow especially I already prepared my work out clothes. πŸ˜ƒ Have you started working out, Pia? If yes, how was it? πŸ™‚

        • Reply Pia November 26, 2016 at 2:41 pm

          That’s good to hear, Augustin! Yes, I have! I started two days ago although I would probably stop for two-three days because period cramps is a bitch. Working out feels so good! It’s so good to feel your body working again. Looking forward to my morning runs once I’m back on my feet. πŸ™‚

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