Things don’t always go my way which is why I’ve given up on planning my long term life. Before I graduated from highschool, I had a time frame of where I want to be and when I should be there. When the first part of my plan failed, I was extremely lost — I didn’t know what to do so much so that I just wanted to stop. But of course, my parents wouldn’t let me do that so I had to get back up and keep going. It was then that I just told myself to stop pressuring myself, to stop planning, and to just let things go.
According to my 15 years-old self, by now, I should be a freshman medical student at one of the top medical schools in the country. I should have also found the right guy who met my standards, have planted a tree, donated blood, learned how to drive, went to Coachella, and visited Paris. Five years after, I’m taking a gap year before med school, broke up with my boyfriend, haven’t even bought a seedling to plant, underweight to donate blood, haven’t even gotten a student’s permit to drive, too broke for Coachella, and too afraid to apply for a European visa. My teenager self would’ve been dumbfounded to see the person that I am now but my young aduItpresent self is much more self-assured about that things that I want to do.
There’s no clear path that would take me to where I want to be but at least I know now what I want to be. I don’t care how long, how difficult, and how frustrating it might be — I will be the person that I want to become. I want to be a doctor: a neurosurgeon, or a psychiatrist, or an oncologist. I want to set foot in New Zealand, New York, London, Batanes, Palawan, South Korea, Japan, Iceland, and Greece — I don’t mind if I get to do so at 30, 40, 50, or even 80 years old as long as I get to go at least once. I want to own a piece of land and just plant a bunch of trees. I want to be healthy enough to be able to consistently donate blood. I want to find a cause that I’m passionate about, and stand up for it, support it, and help in every way I can. Finding a guy isn’t my priority at all but if I do find one, I want to be able to find someone who would let me be as independent and self-sufficient as possible — someone who supports my dreams, cares about the country and the rights of its people, and is mature enough to handle shit. I don’t want to have a child of my own but I want to be the best aunt for my nieces and nephews, and a dependable godmother for my godchildren. I want to get my parents an amazing retirement home. I want to be confident enough to know that I can do anything that I set out to do. I want to do something that the human race would benefit from. I want to live a life well lived.
I want to do and achieve all those things and I will. I don’t have a solid plan at the moment but for now, it’s enough for me to know what I want to do. I won’t let my success be defined by how fast I was able to achieve it but by how well I was able to do it. I stopped planning every bit of my life, and I’m still going to be a someone.