March 6, 2017

Things don’t always go my way which is why I’ve given up on planning my long term life. Before I graduated from highschool, I had a time frame of where I want to be and when I should be there. When the first part of my plan failed, I was extremely lost — I didn’t know what to do so much so that I just wanted to stop. But of course, my parents wouldn’t let me do that so I had to get back up and keep going. It was then that I just told myself to stop pressuring myself, to stop planning, and to just let things go.

According to my 15 years-old self, by now, I should be a freshman medical student at one of the top medical schools in the country. I should have also found the right guy who met my standards, have planted a tree, donated blood, learned how to drive, went to Coachella, and visited Paris. Five years after, I’m taking a gap year before med school, broke up with my boyfriend, haven’t even bought a seedling to plant, underweight to donate blood, haven’t even gotten a student’s permit to drive, too broke for Coachella, and too afraid to apply for a European visa. My teenager self would’ve been dumbfounded to see the person that I am now but my young aduItpresent self is much more self-assured about that things that I want to do.

There’s no clear path that would take me to where I want to be but at least I know now what I want to be. I don’t care how long, how difficult, and how frustrating it might be — I will be the person that I want to become. I want to be a doctor: a neurosurgeon, or a psychiatrist, or an oncologist. I want to set foot in New Zealand, New York, London, Batanes, Palawan, South Korea, Japan, Iceland, and Greece — I don’t mind if I get to do so at 30, 40, 50, or even 80 years old as long as I get to go at least once. I want to own a piece of land and just plant a bunch of trees. I want to be healthy enough to be able to consistently donate blood. I want to find a cause that I’m passionate about, and stand up for it, support it, and help in every way I can. Finding a guy isn’t my priority at all but if I do find one, I want to be able to find someone who would let me be as independent and self-sufficient as possible — someone who supports my dreams, cares about the country and the rights of its people, and is mature enough to handle shit. I don’t want to have a child of my own but I want to be the best aunt for my nieces and nephews, and a dependable godmother for my godchildren. I want to get my parents an amazing retirement home. I want to be confident enough to know that I can do anything that I set out to do. I want to do something that the human race would benefit from. I want to live a life well lived.

I want to do and achieve all those things and I will. I don’t have a solid plan at the moment but for now, it’s enough for me to know what I want to do. I won’t let my success be defined by how fast I was able to achieve it but by how well I was able to do it. I stopped planning every bit of my life, and I’m still going to be a someone.

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  • Reply Richel V. March 7, 2017 at 5:12 am

    I can relate to this, as my fifteen years old self also planned my life to a T. But who we are five years ago are not who we are not. Priorities change easily and quickly, and we just have to ride out our wave. I still want to do the same things but I’m become more lenient on my timeline. On a completely unrelated note, I am completely in love with all your featured photos!

    • Reply Pia March 7, 2017 at 12:42 pm

      I guess when we were younger we really thought that life would be cooperative. Haha! And same, I really just wanna stop pressuring myself to strictly stick to a timeline about the things I want to do. 😀 Thanks, Richel! <3

  • Reply Joyce Carlos March 7, 2017 at 5:24 am

    So. Much. Love. Couldn’t have said it any better. Honestly had that same realization just this school year. Everyone’s figuring their shit out, getting into their desired faculties, graduating in a set amount of years, and then there’s me– still trying to boost my GPA to get accepted to a faculty. Naturally, had a panic attack that lead to hopelessness, but then my bf reminded me that I’m still young, and I have all the time in the world. And in that, I really took comfort. I wish everybody realizes that it’s never too late. Doesn’t matter how long it takes, what matters is we get there!

    Cheers to ya girl! I’m sure you’re able to do all those things because I see the passion you have for it ♥ Would love to know if you achieve any of those goals of yours, but I’m sure we’ll be up to date. 😉

    • Reply Pia March 7, 2017 at 12:44 pm

      Good luck with everything, Joyce! Just always do your best and things will fall into place. 🙂 And yes, you’re still young so the world is yours for the taking. Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it! <3

  • Reply Nikaia March 12, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    If that’s not a solid plan, I don’t know what is. Haha. I’m still in that stage where I want to find myself, I can’t even see what future awaits me anymore. You have a pretty solid plan! I wish you the best of luck with your dreams, Pia. <3

    Nikaia |

    • Reply Pia March 13, 2017 at 3:44 am

      Thanks, Nikaia! I’m still in the process of figuring out how I’m going to achieve all these but what matters most is that I get there, no matter how long. 😀 I hope you figure things out for yourself too, it takes time but it’s worth it. <3

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